“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

What does it mean to be your most authentic self? I’ll admit, “living authentically” sounds like one of those influencer- created phrases designed to sell some miracle product. As I researched more, however, I learned so much more about the mindset of authenticity when applied to how we live our lives, present ourselves to the world, and relate to others. 

Living authentically simply means acting and thinking in ways that reflect your inner self and how you feel. It requires self- awareness, mindfulness, and self-acceptance. In a society that often values superficiality and strives for perfection 100% of the time, this is hard to achieve. 

As with many enduring problems, issues surrounding authenticity tend to extend back to our childhoods. We learn early on that belonging and acceptance feel amazing. We are molded from childhood to believe that ‘fitting in’ is good- and it feels good! Making friends and feeling seen and heard result in huge self- esteem and confidence boosts. The idea of ‘go along to get along’ also plays a role in our early understanding of personal sacrifice for the larger good. But when fitting in comes at the expense of your true self, it becomes a burden. It might help us function in society, but it’s hard to live that way without feeling false. 

Additionally, being rejected, especially for something we view as a fundamental part of ourselves, is one of the worst feelings that many people will ever experience. It’s a rejection of the most personal kind which can have devastating effects no matter your age. If embracing your authentic self led to being punished during childhood or in an important relationship, or if it is ignored by others, we learn that it’s safer to deny those parts of ourselves than to express them.

Lack of self esteem, a fear of judgment, and a strong desire to be liked all combine to keep us acting in ways that are accepted by those around us, even if they don’t accurately reflect who we really are. Being authentic can be especially difficult when dealing with taboos, like mental illness, and for many people with marginalized identities for whom staying under the radar is often safer.

Being your most authentic self is about identifying the truest parts of yourself and acting in ways that align with your beliefs. How do we even start to identify our true selves? We can start by identifying the social roles we fill and the traits that come with them. Personally, I am a sister, an oldest child, a crafter, and a writer, among others. Some traits that accompany these roles are my curiosity, caring, and desire to learn. All of the different roles we play provide some insight into what makes us ‘us’. 

Practicing mindfulness also helps us gain a more concrete understanding of ourselves. For example: how does a current situation make you feel? What are you doing in response? What do you think about the situation and your actions? Reflecting can offer you insight into whether a given experience aligns with your goals, needs, and values and how they align with your true self.

Once we’ve identified ways we act inauthentically, it’s time to replace it with authenticity. This can take many forms, whether it’s seeking some form of health treatment, ending an unfulfilling or toxic relationship, or switching to a more fulfilling career path. Even something small, like calling someone out on something that makes you uncomfortable, can be a huge step in expressing yourself authentically.

It can also help to take a step back and observe yourself more objectively. How do you behave in certain situations? How do you react under pressure? What feels authentic or inauthentic in your response? Identifying some core values and acting on them can also be incredibly fulfilling. If you care about animals, find a shelter to volunteer at or donate money to a wildlife fund. If you value your independence, focus on growing your DIY skills or work towards becoming more financially independent.

We’re often called on to make decisions in the moment, and the pressure of making the ‘right’ decision can lead us away from authentic responses. Take a moment to reflect before making a choice. What is the most authentic decision you can make? What decision is most in line with your values? Taking even a few seconds will always allow you to make a choice you feel better about rather than rushing into a decision out of a sense of obligation. 

Finally, and perhaps most important: it’s important to give up shame. We live fast lives in a crazy world, and it’s impossible to make the ‘right’, most authentic choice every time. Many people also need to protect their well-being by masking or code- switching. Channeling your energy not into shame but instead into other ways you can express yourself can be very healing. Instead of sticking it out at a job you hate with a hostile work environment, start looking for jobs with better, more inclusive companies. If you’re dealing with a lack of family support, look for online or physical communities and support groups who you can rely on. 

Good news: living authentically doesn’t require spending money or following a ten step routine. It means embracing who you truly are and aligning your actions with your values, passions, and beliefs in order to find fulfillment in being true to yourself